Life Is Hard, But God!

I don't know if people still read blog posts but I have been wanting to write about some things and have been putting it off for a while because I didn't think anyone still read them. Either way, I will start posting more often and if people read it, great, if not, that's ok too. 
I have been going through a really hard time recently and had to swallow "my pride" so many times that I really wonder if there is any left to swallow. Everything is in God's hands, but sometimes God allows me to go through something really hard. In those times people are quick to tell me its in God's hands which makes me mad. I am allowed to cry and struggle even though everything is in God's hands because I am still in a hard season of life. The assurance that God has my back doesn't change the fact that I am still struggling through life. I believe we are allowed to struggle as long as it doesn't bring hate in our hearts towards God. We are allowed to feel hurt when things are going very wrong and nothing seems to work out. I also realized that if we are receptive to God we are able to have a moment of peace in those times because good things do happen in those seasons, but we have to open our eyes to see them.

Things started to get hard in October of 2024. I had just completed working for a company and was going on a vacation that was supposed to turn into full time living there. I kept the secret from everyone except immediate family and when I got there and people started finding out they started accusing me and qustioning my integrity. It was very hard as those same people had allowed darkness into their lives which was attacking me and the pressure was making my body hurt internally. I got so sick, I didn't eat for days and went to the hospital to get treatment but it didn't help. The only thing that worked was time with the Lord. I would worship and pray in my room every night and God really came through for me. The ones that were trying to harm me were still at it but I no longer showed them that it was hurting me and kept to myself and helped my grampa as much as I could while I was there. I did have a return flight but I had planned to change it so that I could come visit when my sister was going to get married. I decided to take the original flight back when my grampa told me to go home out of anger after listening to the people that were questioning my reasons for going. I just wanted to take care of him as he is getting old and is all alone. He seemed to regret his actions but never brought it up, he would look at me with a sad expression once he ralized I only wanted to help but it was too late. I found a contract and went as soon as I got back to the states but things didn't really get better and I started crying out in desperation. I have been traveling by myself and was really tired of living life on my own. When would I meet someone that can lead me to Christ daily? It felt as though men could not see me or my good qualities, only the bad. Could I be that bad that nobody would want me? There were a lot of questions, but God gave answers to the most important one. I trust God, he has never failed me so I choose to trust his promises. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I know who brings tomorrow and I choose to trust him.

Today I feel as though I can take a breath in a long time! I can't say that everything is ok, but it feels like it will start to get better from here.

Thank you for reading! May God Bless you!

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